


Gender struggles

by Spacegaywritings



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (there is only TALKS of those things, Androgyny, Crying, Disney, Gatekeeping, Gen, Hugs, Hurt and comfort, Invalidation, M/M, Misogyny, Piracy, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Harassment, Sexual Trauma, Slight Sexual Innuendo, Social Media, Tears, Toxicity, Transphobia, Trauma, again - this is REMROM, harmful experiences, r/pe, raising awareness., remrom - Freeform, snuggles, so nothing happens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:40:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28921470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spacegaywritings/pseuds/Spacegaywritings
Summary: Remus and Roman are dating. Sometimes, they go down the road of why Remus is the way he is.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	Gender struggles

**Author's Note:**

> Roman and Remus are not related but they do get touchy with one another. Proceed at your OWN risk and responsibility.

Remus shut his laptop for the last time this day. Adrenaline rushed into his brain, numbing his rational thinking capacities. He was absolutely done for the day.  
He slapped the device shut and packed it back into its case, banning it from his sight and curiously scrolling fingers. Remus’ mind was reeling. Everything seemed to be spinning and blurry. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. His fingers worked on their own. He barely felt anything when he touched even his own face.

A sigh escaped him and suddenly, a warmth sunk into his shoulder. He looked up to see Roman, his one and only love. Even in his angry and confused state, he could not help but smile. It was a meek smile, weak and lacking of power but it was genuine and right there in his face. Only because he could see as much as a glimpse of his soulmate’s face.  
He removed his hands from his face and wrapped them around Roman’s abdomen, simply pulling him close and hugging him as much as possible. His face buried itself in Roman’s tummy, disappearing in the smooth skin.

“Oh, no. Oh, my love. What happened?”

Remus shook his head. Slowly, Roman started carding his fingers through his hair, massaging the top of his skin ever so gently.

“What is up, my dear?”

The mustached punk grumbled, biting Roman’s stomach along with his rippling muscles. The muscles tensed up around his mouth, pulling away from his short-lived bite.

“Hey!”

Roman’s fingers removed themselves from the back of his head, leaving alone his curly dark hair. He clutched his hurting form, eyeing his lover in indignation.

“What was that for?”

His mouth was agape. Now more than ever, he tried to keep his feelings under control. It was difficult to manage his impulses but the sad, rejected expression on Remus’ face was more than enough to slurp up his rage and put it into a small box.  
For later, when he had more time and energy to be offended. His feelings were a more secondary priority at the moment. This Remus issue seemed far more serious and pressing. Otherwise, his love would not simply start biting at him. Not outside of bed, anyway.

Remus looked up at him, heart racing and head shaking from side to side. The words on his tongue were bad and the thoughts in his head seemed to be just as foul.

“No talking?”

Remus pouted. His eyes were burning. At once, Roman fell to his knees and rushed to engulf Remus in a hug once more. This time, he tried to stay away from his fierce mouth and muted lips.

“It is okay. It’s okay. Please take your time. We don’t have to talk at all.”

The two curled up on bed, Remus rather passive as the other curled up around him. Limbs wrapped around his body, holding each and every part of him close. He carefully squished him with his own body. Remus groaned in reply, softly burying his face in the nook of Roman’s neck.  
Sweetly, he breathed out, steadying himself.  
They laid there for a moment, neither prompting one another to say something nor even thinking about it. Eventually, Remus wiggled his body a bit, sighing. His lips were moving, gaping as if he was about to speak.

To be honest, he kind of looked like a fish gaping for water. Roman smiled, softly amused but also in order to encourage the other. At least that it was Remus thought of him. It was usually how the other treated him and how he listened to him.  
He teared up just thinking about how much they comforted one another, how they held one another close and were supportive without conditions.

They were just there for one another.

Sentimentality pressed down onto his feelings, tightening the knot of his inner conflict despite him trying to undo it. Roman’s warmth pressed into him. He sighed. He really tried to let go off these things.

“Internet. Stupid.”

Roman nodded softly. Remus could feel the movement through their tight hug. He sunk deeper into it, Roman ready to receive him and squish him ever so lovingly. He could feel the support in his bones. His lover’s motivation to cheer him up was so strong, it felt as though Roman was somewhat lifting him up. His feelings felt lighter and softer, more easily untangled the linger Roman was holding him close and dear.

“The internet can be really stupid, indeed, my love.”

Roman cleared his throat, one hand reaching up to play with the mess of Remus’ curly hair. The distressed man released yet another sigh of relief. Tension flooded from his heart and his back until he felt more like disintegrated custard rather than a human being with bones and muscles. He was a puddle of softness in Remus’ supportive arms.

“Were people mean to you?”

A disgruntled groan came from Remus. His face dug back into Roman’s neck, making him twitch and chuckle.

“Hey! That tickles!”

Remus hugged him closer, a sly smile creeping onto his lips. He shook his head, his nose brushing over Roman’s sun-kissed skin. His warm breath tingled his sensitive neck. It sent shivers down his spin. Soft kisses added up to it, making Roman writhe and moan ever so softly.

“H-hey.. Ree, stop-”

His voice was weak, trembling in pleasure and delight. Giggles disrupted the clarity of his speech and the urgency of his command. Still, Remus pulled away at once, leaving a wet lick over the spot he had just caressed and kissed so lovingly.  
He drew himself out of their wild, chaotic hug, an unreadable expression on his face. Roman sighed, relieving his slightly laboured breathing.

“Love.. you.. you can’t just do that every time you are upset.”

Remus pursed his lips, his face a weird grimace of an evasive smile.

“Ree, please.”

Roman tried his best to scowl but Remus was tangling up their fingers and lowered his face to kiss every single of his knuckles.

“Ree~”

Roman softly pushed the other away. His fingers curled as he drew his arms closer to his own body. Remus whined.

“Let me love you.”

Roman chewed on his bottom lip. Doubt washed over him. Remus was clearly in a state of distress but not ready to talk about it yet. Still, he needed to talk, he obviously did.

“I want you to make love to you when you do, not when you are upset and need to unwind. Love is a scared matter to me, Remus.”

The lover whined.  
If he has had any ears like a puppy, they would sink down along with his mood. Roman felt bad but tried to be firm on his opinion.

“Hablamé, mi corazon. Don’t use me as a stress relief.”

Remus grumbled. He flopped down next to Roman, defeated.  
He grabbed a pillow and mumbled something incoherent to the other.

“What did you say?”

Roman brushed through his rich curls.

“Talk to me, my heart. Please do.”

Remus sighed, burying his head as deep in the bed as he could. The mattress was more than a bit soft. It swallowed up his whole face but did not dare go as far as to reach around his head. He could still feel the warm and lingering caresses of Roman’s hands in his hair.  
There was nothing more soothing than this.

“I am.. just sick of people. All those internet strangers assuming things without facts, without rationality. They just spout all their misogyny everywhere, their transphobia and all that other shit.”

He sighed, angry tears welling up in his eyes. They were ugly, stinging and horrible. He hated them. He just wanted to be okay and not get into some stupid drama every time he wanted to have a good time. He had been looking for memes and suddenly one of his favourite blogs started untagged drama about shit.

Slowly, he sat up, explaining exactly this to Roman. His boyfriend took his hand, gently squeezing it. Roman reached for his other hand, putting them together and engulfing them by his own hands. His lover started gently rubbing them, almost as if to prompt the other’s mind. At the same time, it felt as if Roman was somewhat thinking along with him.

It was nice.  
He was less alone, then.

“Well, you know. Fucking sucks, I guess? It feels as if they are erasing everything, everyone.”

He sighed.

“I hate cis people discussing trans issues like they have any clue.”

Remus slipped down into Roman’s lap. His head settled and automatically, Roman’s fingers returned to his curls, gently brushing through them. He let out a sigh of frustration. Tension flew from him once more. The more he had to think about it, the more he grew sick of everything. Then, there was Roman simply catching him and helping him out.

It almost made up for all the shit he saw again and again.

“Did they talk about neopronouns again?”

Remus brandished his hands in a sudden wave of aggravation.

“The fuck if they did!! I am going to throw fucking punches one day, I am so fucking done with this!”

He felt anger exploding inside of him but as soon as he spat out his concerns and worries, the anger subsided inside of him, decreasing significantly. He felt like mentos put into fucking coke. First he foamed up like crazy, then he was back down again, somewhat emptier than before.  
Anger did nothing to nurture him at all.

“Sorry.”

Remus pouted, apologetically yet genuine. He hated yelling.. he did not want to scare away Roman with his shitty impulse control or poor anger management. He was not a person to be angry but when he was angry, during rare occasions, he was an ugly kind of angry.

The hands massaged his scalp, still. They never seemed to end. Roman bowed his head above him, smiling at him.

“I love when you get passionate.”

Remus bit his lips.

“Sure you don’t want to take that further?~”

Roman retreated his head at once, hiding his approaching blush away from the hungry lover.

“No, Remus, no.”

He was halfway amused, Remus could see it. He grinned at him, his sharp teeth beaming up at him, gleaming like a tempting danger.

“Alright, alright. Afterwards~.”

The blush on his cheeks grew darker. Fingers dug into Remus’ skin and he moaned softly.

“Ahh~ harder, daddy~”

At once, the fingers left.

“Remus! Please!”

He stuck his tongue out at Roman. The more romantic one of the two was laughing wildly, blush ever-present and lungs convulsing in amusement.  
The two giggled for a while, simply poking one another and cuddling up again until Remus was laying flat, all over Roman. At the moment, he was giving his stomach a soft kiss.  
Roman chuckled softly, his arms moving over to shield his slightly exposed stomach.

“So, you know. I was scrolling through memes and run.. into this dumb debate about how women have it worse than dudes in terms of sexual harassment and all.”

Roman grimaced at the talk but did not do more than nod at the new piece of information. It was not the funniest topics to talk about.

“I am just like.. dude, not every woman experiences shit and not every dude is safe from harassment either. Stop invalidating crimes that are so under-reported already because people keep shaming it. Literally if you had issues being harassed, why try and own it like you are the only one who can have it bad, you know?”

Roman nodded vaguely.  
Remus sighed, kneading his hands into Roman’s waist. He gently brushed his thumbs over it, then started massaging it from both sides.

“Like, some chicks were trying to own all that crap like dudes cannot get harassed. Fucking awful. Are you trying to monopolise misery? Other people can be fucked up, too. Why can’t survivors fucking stick together.”

The two sighed together. Roman’s sigh was soft, heavenly while Remus’ sounded like a deeply rooted expression of pure frustration.

“That sounds awful, love.”

Remus nodded.

“Then the whole thing escalated because someone talked about cis people and harassment within the queer community. I thought it would be a good old post about all POVs but I am telling you it was a whole ride of bullshit at the end of it.”

He let his head flop onto Roman’s stomach again. His lover tensed up his muscles in time for it to not even hurt remotely. Not that he would have cared for the small amount of pain. It was like a tickle, fast and barely uncomfortable at most.

“That sounds bad.. I am so sorry, my dear.”

Remus nodded. He did not even bother to pick up his head at this moment. He let Roman caress his face softly. He had one ear turned to his stomach while the other one was exposed to Roman’s little touches. A quiet hum escaped his lips.

“It is alright.. you did not do anything. It is just them.. I feel so.. violated? Fucking messed up to say that but it is like they are saying that we cannot have any struggle or be any victims because we are dudes - transitioned or cis.”

He shrugged against Roman’s body, his own becoming rather flaccid when more and more energy drained from his body. This whole ordeal ate all of his spoons and he was sick of it.

“Transdudes can experience misogyny. Any person in this world can experience harassment, even sexual one. Any age, any league, any fucking social status or gender and whatnot.”

He shook his head, more heat rising in his chest. The strong urge to smash something crawled into his skin again, tingling at his fingers. He slowly dug them into Roman’s sides, dragging them down slowly until his actions drew moans from Roman’s lovely face. Pleased sounds came from him when Remus started rubbing him in circles, ever so carefully leaving slightly reddened spots over his golden skin.

“Why can’t more people be like you?”

Roman writhed, pushing himself deeper into bed.

“Ree~”

He pulled his lover closer, carefully dipping in to press a single kiss to his lips. Roman tasted like roses and safety. There was fire on his lips when he started to kiss back but Remus already pulled back again, melancholic eyes staring into Roman’s soul.  
Tears welled up.  
Between the joy and satisfaction to be with the love of life, his little gay disney dream prince, there was also the anguish of the past, the horrendous actions of strangers.

“Do you think anyone at the post office or supermarket ever fucking calls me baby ever since I am more traditionally male presenting? I fucking tell you no. Every time I hear “baby” and “honey” and such shit or people start flirting, calling me cute and pretty or asking for my number.”

Disgust rose a fair amount of bile inside of him. He could taste the horror or compliments on his tongue.

“Do you know how often people started walking after me, starting talking to me or approached me when I was alone, when it was dark or they were in groups? People catcalled me, calling me a whore and hoe and whatnot, no matter what I wore. Fucking fishnets, fucking yoga pants. I could be unwashed and the most unattractive I wanted to be and I would still get so many people trying to pull my pants down.”

The tears were falling now. Tears and ugly snot were coming from Remus. He retreated, his aching heart thumping against his chest as if it needed to escape. It was caged by his rib, his actual rub cage. He hiccuped, trying to gasp for air when his needy lungs were too weak and apathetic to do so sufficiently.  
It hurt.  
It burned.  
The shame and pain were flaming inside of him.

He felt the soothing warmth of Roman around him. Hugs tentatively asked for consent and wrapped around him as soon as Remus threw himself into the offered bits and pieces of comfort. He was desperate for any kind of positive touch. Something he consented to, something he wanted and allowed on his body.  
Something controlled.

He hiccuped into the day, his lost arms wrapping around the only thing he knew to be good and safe. Roman embraced him tightly. It felt as though he was squeezing the necessary tears out of him. They spilled from his face, dusting his cheeks like silver dew in the morning. Roman placed cherry blossom kisses on top of his head, making his aching heart flutter.  
He did not know what he felt but Remus was more than certain that there was love between him and at least a certain amount of understanding.

“We will change the world.”

Roman planted soft kisses on the top of his head.

“Fuck all those assholes.”

Roman slid his hand into Remus’ pants, carefully fishing out his phone. He flipped it over in his hands and turned it off, letting it fall right onto the mattress. It bounced up and down a bit, barely resisting the powers of creativity.

“No more social media for you, today. We are gonna start a protest tomorrow, raise awareness and fuck shit up. Tonight, we are gonna have a wonderful movie night~”

He smiled, softly placing yet another blooming kiss onto Remus’ face, specifically his cheek. He giggled, butterflies rising from the ashes of his burned down memories and mistakes.

“Mhmmmm~ only if you carry meee!”

Remus stretched out his arms for a moment. His lover gingerly pulled him close, ready to pick him up until a thought flashed through his mind. Rare but efficient, Remus acted on his whimsical ideas at once. He winded his arms around the other and picked him up instead, howling as he did so.

“Nevermind! Tonight, I will carry my prince!”

He giggled, returning one of these reassuring kisses to Roman’s forehead. It was warm and lovely as always. He smelled like the most delicate flower in the whole world. Remus chuckled in excitement as he started running through their home.

“Film night! Film night!!”

Roman laughed loudly. His voice doubled over, squeaking and squealing in surprise and delight.

“ Remus!!! You silly man!!”

He chuckled. In his chest, his heart was skipping beats.

“I love you too, my love!”

Snickers filled the rooms.

“I love you too!! DON’T THROW ME!! REMUS!!”

High-pitched giggled echoed through their home. The walls were warm and alive with love and excitement. Soon enough, one of the most cliché Disney films was playing - pirated, of course. Two lovers were cuddled up before it, holding hands and abandoning dramas.

The next day was time to change the world.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to look up some nice statistics to back up those experiences but it ended up depressing me so much, I simply did not want to do it anymore. Be safe out there. Remember to take serious experiences serious and not to invalidate someone’s experiences just because they are not you. We are not alive to weigh one trauma against another.


End file.
